Agony of Da-Feet

I haven't forgotten about this blog! It's been on my mind to update for a while, but I feel defeated before I begin because so much has happened I don't know how or what to say without writing an entire book. Since the last blog, I have travelled to N. Georgia and back to Statesville, with lots of lovely experiences in-between and on the way.

A dream of my life came true on Monday, August 6th. I saw 100 Portraits live @ the Kilgore homestead. People that I love dearly gathered at a home I call a second home to listen to my favorite musicians - how perfect?!? Ben and Robin Pasley make up the band 100 Portraits (www.100portraits.com). They are so secure in and freed by the love of Jesus...they literally radiate with his love, and it's a beautiful thing. I pray that I will one day actually let God love me like that, to believe that he wants to. I have had this song stuck in my head, and in my CD-player since the show:

"When you found me hiding out, I thought you would take a hammer to my brow, but you pushed away the crowd and cried and pressed your lips against my head..."

Overall, the summer has just been one gigantic message from God of "I really do freaking love you Nicole, more than you could know, and more than you will let yourself experience."

I am almost done with Brenan Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel. The whole "God loves you passionately" bit is the theme of his book too. I am so perplexed as to why I find it so hard to believe? Why is it such a struggle to remain in God's love? Any thoughts?

Along that line, I was thinking about my Grandpa Tony the other day. When he was alive, he loved me purely, and I never doubted it. The thing is, though, that he loved me simply for being alive. It's like that with families...or, it should be like that with families. In a family, you are loved just because you "are." I think that's why God has placed us in families; so that we can learn that love isn't earned, it's a free gift, there are no strings attached, you don't have to jump through hoops to get it.

I have done a lot of sighing over the past couple of months. Deep sighs of longing for more of God's love. It's there for the taking.

So, I continue to realize I am religious and not really in love with God like I should be. I continue to discover more and more areas of my heart that need to be freed, and unbound. It's a long road, but a good one.

Welp. That's all I know. Actually, there is lots more, but my battery is dying and I am tired. Two dying batteries. I have to get up early tommorow to REGISTER for classes at UNCA. waaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Next issue: pics from 100 Portraits and Cyrano DeBergerac in the Monford park, and a lesson I learned from a melon.